Friday, December 19, 2014

Obesity Shaming Is Disgusting....

I am so frustrated.

Last night while relaxing, like many nights I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed and I happen to follow a local news station (CTV Barrie) well they posted a video about obesity being considered a disability.  I honestly don't know why I even read the comments because I knew that it wouldn't be pretty, but I wanted to see what people were saying as well as have my say on this.

Of course most of the comments are posting saying that if people are obese it is by choice, even obese people chiming in and saying that they are obese and they work so it should not be considered a disability because if they can work every other obese person shouldn't use that as an excuse.  Others posting and saying that there are 2 million starving people in third world countries and people here stuffing their face claiming it is a disability is disgusting.  Post after post of negative shit aimed at obese people.

Why does this bug me so badly?  I am super morbidly obese (Class III Obesity, which is a BMI greater than 40).  I am on ODSP (Disability). I am NOT on ODSP because of my obesity I do have mental illness (Dysthymia with Major Depression and also General Anxiety Disorder and PTSD) which is keeping me from holding down a job right now, but I went through a depressive episode earlier this year which lasted 6 months I could honestly NOT move off the couch or get out of bed my depression was that bad I could not move, think, bathe, clean my apartment.  So I gained about 75-100lbs I was eating to help deal with my emotions and to punish myself and not moving.  I was just so out of it. So now being at 604 lbs I cannot work partly due to my weight when before it was because of my depression, I cannot stand for more than 5 minutes or walk more than 5 meters.  Is it something I am proud of? NO.  However is it something that I could control? NO NOT ENTIRELY.  I cannot control my depression entirely, I do take my medication, however I can still have a bad depressive episode.  No matter how hard I tried I could NOT push myself to do anything at all.  I went to my psychiatrist and we tried changing my medications around and tried several medications before it finally pulled me out of the depressive episode.

So, back to people commenting and saying obesity does not qualify to be a disability, I say do your research and have some compassion.  There are several diseases that cause obesity.  Personally I can attest to that because I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which causes centralized obesity (obesity in the stomach region) which personally I do carry the bulk of my weight in my stomach region.  I do have larger legs and arms etc but my stomach is the biggest area on my body.  Another disease that can cause obesity is Cushings Disease.  There are also several other diseases that can cause obesity.  Also medications CAN cause weight gain.  I am personally on 4 different antidepressants for example and guess what all of them have the side effect of causing weight gain.  Does that mean that you will gain weight from them? No not everyone does, but some people do.  You can also say well then change the medication, well guess what if I find an antidepressant that works for me, I am not going to change it because it took me a long time to find a medication that makes me half stable.

Again like I have said before many, many times. I am not going to blame my weight totally on PCOS or medications because I DO emotionally eat.  I have used food as a comfort.  But that is the thing......I never used food because I "loved" it, or to be gluttonous it was because I was upset and needed comfort and didn't know how else to deal with it.  I didn't have another outlet when I was younger that made me feel as relaxed as when I ate. So I ate to deal with my feelings.  But I always felt guilty after I ate too much or ate something I shouldn't have.  So it makes me laugh, honestly laugh when people sit there and say that obese people are disgusting all they do is shove food in their face and make bad choices they don't care about their bodies and that is why they let them get this way.  Oh also that it is an easy choice not to put the food in your mouth and to make the "right" choices.
For some reason people (the obese shaming people) seem to think or be under the impression that we as   the obese population LOVE BEING THIS, actually it is the opposite, we HATE being this way.  You don't get to be 604 lbs by loving yourself.  I loathe who I am and what I have become.  However I am learning to love myself again.  Oh and to the assholes that say it is easy to make a choice and just not put that sweet or food in your mouth, and you are in control of your diet and how much you exercise, well was it an easy choice for me to ask the fucker who raped me not to rape me and to not re-live that moment over and over again in my head.....NO.  Food sometimes can be used as comfort or as punishment.  Depression can cause you to not want to get out of bed let alone go out and get to the gym.  All I think is that people need to have more compassion because you don't know what that obese person has gone through.  They are using the food for something and in my opinion YES obesity can be a disability.

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