Tuesday, December 09, 2014

Struggling to Survive.

Hello all my readers and friends.

I have not written for sometime, mainly because I have been lost.  I have not known what to say.  I needed to take a little time to breathe.  But I am back and embarking on a huge journey.  I am starting a weight loss journey.  I don't have a small amount to lose but a quite daunting 250-300 pounds to lose.  Quite literally I have to lose a whole person or couple people depending on their size.  I struggled with the decision to publish my journey.  The reason why is because of all the critics out there and the haters that will put me down along the way, because of the stereotypes of overweight people.  But I am at the point now where I don't care.  If my journey can help anyone I would be thrilled.  Most of all publishing my journey will help keep me motivated and accountable.  

I am attempting to be approved for weight loss surgery.  Mainly a Gastric Bypass.  In Ontario, Canada the surgery can be covered if you are approved.  I have my information session on December 15th, 2014 at the Humber River Regional Hospital in Toronto, Ontario.

I am currently around 500-550 pounds I believe and I am 6'0.  I am going to be 30 years old this month.  I am so ashamed of myself.  Honestly, ashamed.  I don't even feel like a person anymore.  I feel like this big massive thing.  I can't work because of the size that I am and find even normal everyday tasks hard to accomplish.  Would I wish this on my worst enemy? Nope.

I am currently on ODSP because at this size I am unable to work, plus mentally I am a wreck.  I do not leave my apartment unless I have to take my boyfriend to work, or go to a medical appointment.  The reason? Cause when I am in public I have to deal with people making fun of me.  I understand that I am bigger than most people, however that does not give people the right to constantly mock or snicker when I walk by and say things just loud enough for me to hear.  I am a person and I do have feelings.

That being said I am lucky that we do have OHIP in Ontario, Canada and that my surgery could be approved.  However there are costs that will not be covered, that I cannot afford because I am on ODSP and get just enough to cover my rent and barely anything else.  

I have started a Go Fund Me account, should you feel that you can help me out.  Here is my story:

Hello, my name is Kat. I am currently almost 30 years old and weigh roughly close to 550 lbs. I am hoping to be approved for a Gastric Bypass which will ultimately help save my life. I am currently starting the process to be approved to have my surgery at the Humber River Regional Hospital in Toronto, Ontario. 

I have been overweight my whole life Well pretty much my whole life. From around the age of 8 years old on. For my whole life (pretty much) I have been trying lose weight. I have tried many diets (medically supervised and not). I have seen a dietitian and also worked out at the gym. I would get some results but never the results I should have been achieving for how much work I was doing. In 2011 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Which can cause you to gain weight especially in your stomach area, as well as some other horrible things like hair loss and facial hair. Is it the only reason why I am super morbidly obese? No. I am an emotional eater, I have an eating disorder where I binge and then restrict what I eat (sometimes I only eat one meal a day). At the age of 8 years old I was raped by a neighbor and turned to food for comfort, it was my friend, it wouldn't hurt me, or so I thought at a young age. I have severe depression and anxiety once again food was my best friend whenever I was upset or anxious. Am I constantly eating? No. But food was always there when I needed something. 
That being said do I realize I have a problem? Yes. Have I tried to work on my problem? Yes. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for years now to work on my mental health. 
What is so urgent about getting the Gastric Bypass now?
I have had high blood pressure for awhile, I have PCOS. But most of all my weight is restricting me. I can't work right now because of the size that I am. I hate not working, it is driving me absolutely crazy not being able to work and socialize and make money, I am on ODSP as my source of income. I cannot stand for any length of time (around 3 min at the most). Walking is excruciating (I can walk about 10 meters). My knees hurt all the time making standing and walking horrible. My back is in constant pain due to a car accident I was in, in 2008 where I now have a herniated disc which pinches a nerve when I do walk so my legs go numb if I walk for a long enough period, the only thing that can relieve this is weight loss. I am severely depressed and anxious to the point where I don't like leaving my house because of the cruel comments people make. They are constantly snickering or commenting on my weight when I am out in public, so I avoid being out in public at all costs now. My self esteem is non-existent. 
I want my life back. I want a chance to be human again because I honestly at this size do not feel like a human being. I realize that the surgery is a tool. It is going to help me get to where I need to be. I know it is not a cure-all but I am ready to do all the work required because I can't take being like this anymore. I know without this surgery I will die. It is a fact.
I hate asking for help from friends and ultimately strangers, but I am on ODSP and cannot afford everything I am going to need to have this surgery. I likely will not meet my goal of $2000 and that is okay, I just am at a point where I have to ask for help. When I am able to work again and am bringing in money you can believe I will help others! 
What am I asking for the $2000 for?
As most of you know the Gastric Bypass if I am approved will be covered. I am in the beginning stages and have my information session for the surgery scheduled December 15th, 2014 at the Humber River Regional Hospital in Toronto, Ontario.
What is not covered is the Optifast Liquid diet which I have to be on 6 weeks prior to surgery which will cost between $200-400 CAD. (**This is NOT covered by ODSP.)
Also after surgery I will be placed on medications to prevent Venous Thrombolytic Event (VTE). Possible medications could include Low Molecular Heparin (LNWH), Innohep or Tinzaparin to prevent complications related to (VTEs). This costs between $80-200 CAD. (**This is NOT covered by ODSP).
I will need to go down to Toronto which is about an hour and a half drive several times over the next couple months for appointments. I will need money for parking and gas. 
Also I will be on vitamins and supplements for the rest of my life. Which I am totally fine with, but was looking for a bit of help for my first month or two to be on them, until I lose a bit of weight and am able to walk easier and get a normal job again. 
I want to be healthy and feel half normal again. I would appreciate each and every dollar. I promise I would not be asking for help unless I needed it. Thank you in advance for your caring and support. Also if anyone has any information or knows of any at home job opportunities available please let me know! 

If you are able to donate I would greatly appreciate it, if you cannot donate and want to offer emotional support I would greatly appreciate it.  

You can read my story and donate HERE

Thank you for your continued support everyone.  

No comments: