Quitting Smoking Sucks.

So I know that I have written a lot about quitting smoking the past couple blog posts. However honestly I think that it is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  The last time I attempted to quit I made it 6 days that was with the aid of Champix and a e-cigarette. This time I am trying without the Champix.  The Champix not only gave me horrible dreams, it made me so agitated (yes more than I am right now) and angry.  So this time I am trying with the aid of the e-cigarette only.  

The roller coaster of emotions I am feeling is just crazy, one minute I feel like I could chew metal and spit it out, the next I feel like crying.  I feel like I have nothing to do....which is crazy because I do, but I feel like I have this big void without smoking.  Which sounds crazy, but that is how I feel.  Also the last time I tried quitting I was tired all the time. This time I am again tired.  Which is kinda crappy because I don't want to sleep the day away.  I want the cravings for the nicotine to go away.

Last time I tried quitting I did feel better. I felt like this haze had been lifted. First off the cigarette smell was gone, secondly I felt like I could breathe again, third I felt like I was in control for once because I was the one not giving in and smoking.  However when I decided to smoke again I felt like a huge failure.  I guess the good thing is that I am learning from each time I try.  That I am not giving up. I don't expect this to be easy, I know it won't be. 

Oh and blogging is going to be part of my outlet, so I know you may get sick of reading about it.....but too bad! :) 

Have any of you quit smoking out there? What did you do to help combat your cravings? 

Take 2....Quitting Smoking Again....

So anyone who knows me knows that I lack willpower. So I am going to be trying once again to quit smoking after this pack is gone, I have approx 15 cigarettes left.  Once they are gone that is it! This time I mean it! I am so tired of saying I am quitting, I need to actually do it. Last time I made it 6 days, this time I am going to do it for good!! 

I have to go for surgery and unfortunately you have to have quit smoking for 6 months before the surgery can be preformed. This surgery will benefit not only my physical but my mental health.  I keep putting off quitting and going back to smoking because I suffer from anxiety, and I get not only extremely agitated but incredibly anxious when I don't smoke.  But.....as I was talking to a friend who went through this surgery, you have to want the surgery more. SO with that being said.....THIS IS IT! There is never going to be a magical time to quit that everything will be going right in my world, so I have to just suck it up and do it.  Is it going to suck? Likely. But the payoff will be worth it in the end, I just have to keep reminding myself of that fact.

So have any of you struggled to actually do something? Achieve a goal? 

Music....Is the soundtrack to my life!

So recently I have been looking for songs to download and have come across so many amazing songs from the early 90's and 2000's.  I honestly could not go a day without music, it truly is the soundtrack to my life. So what is the most played music on your MP3 player? Below is my most played 50 tracks:

1. Titanium- David Guetta ft. Sia
2. Seven Nation Army- The White Stripes
3. N****S in Paris- Jay-Z ft Kanye West
4. Someone Like You- Adele
5. Make Me Proud- Drake ft Nicki Minaj
6. Blurry- Puddle of Mud
7. Steady, As She Goes- The Raconteurs
8. Stereo Love- Edward Maya
9. Broken- Seether ft. Amy Lee
10. In The Arms of Sleep- The Smashing Pumpkins
11. Dance, Dance- Fall Out Boy
12. Thnks fr th Mmrs- Fall Out Boy
13. Hemorrhage (In My Hands)- Fuel
14. Put a Pin in It- A Name in Lights
15. Do Like You Do- A Name in Lights
16. Sick of You- Bleeker Ridge
17. Sixteen Hours- Bleeker Ridge
18. Day N Nite (Remix)- Jim Jones ft. Kid Cudi
19. Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See- Busta Rhymes
20. Jar of Hearts- Christina Perri
21. Holy Grail- Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake
22. Dead and Gone- Justin Timberlake ft. T.I.
23.Thrift Shop- Macklemore
24. Same Love- Macklemore
25. Can't Hold Us- Macklemore
26. Overnight Celebrity- Twista
27. Me, Myself and I- Beyonce
28. Echo- Bad Meets Evil
29. Above the Law- Bad Meets Evil
30. Fastlane- Bad Meets Evil
31. Touch It- Busta Rhymes
32. She's a B****- Missy Elliott
33. Come Together- The Beatles
34. Something- The Beatles
35. Get Back- The Beatles
36. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked- Cage the Elephant
37. Wasting My Time- Default
38. Devil on My Shoulder- Billy Talent
39. Pocketful of Dream- Billy Talent
40. Whiskey Lullaby- Brad Paisley ft. Alison Krauss
41. Everything Zen- Bush
42. Comedown- Bush
43. Testosterone- Bush
44. Machinehead- Bush
45. Hotel California- The Eagles
46. Everything to Everyone- Everclear
47. Pedestal- Fergie
48. Pumped Up Kicks- Foster The People
49. Somebody That I Used To Know- Gotye ft. Kimbra
50. Legend of a Cowgirl- Imani Coppola

What songs do you have currently playing on your MP3 player, iPod, iPhone etc?

Quitting Smoking Day 6....Fail.

So this is Day 1,000,000  Day 6.....I caved.

I am so mad at myself, but at the same time I am wondering if it was the right time for me to quit? I know there is never a "right time" per say. But I ended up caving this afternoon and going and buying 2 packs of cigarettes....however I am kind of proud of myself because I have only smoked 3! Which is a huge leap from before where I was smoking almost a pack a day. I am going to try and go as long as I can between cigarettes. I wish I could say I stayed on track....however :(

Quitting Smoking.

So today is day 4....I honestly never thought I would make it past day 2 of quitting smoking.
I have been using a Vapur e-cigarette which contains no tar or nicotine.  I am also on Champix.  The cravings are horrible, not going to lie.  I am still ready to cave and go get a pack of cigarettes.  However I keep talking to myself and reminding myself of all the reasons I wanted to quit in the first place. 

1. My overall health.
2. To be able to get the surgery I need to get.

My boyfriend has been phenomenal in supporting me I am really lucky to have such a great guy.  It kinda does make me sick to know I have smoked for 12 years and just how much crap is likely in my lungs right now.  However hopefully by stopping now and not being a smoker for 50 years I can reverse some of that damage to my lungs.  I am already getting my sense of smell back! Not such a blessing sometimes lol!

Trying to stay positive and just know that this is all worth it because without quitting I cannot achieve my goal of a healthier me.

How many of you have quit? What advice can you offer me?

My Favourite Things....

Everyone has that list of things that they love. Things that make you smile! Well if you don't....think about it, what makes you smile? Why?

Cause who needs a reason to smile! Just like Oprah, here is my list of favourite things. The things that make me smile.

1. My Mom- this woman is my idol. I am blessed to have the world's best Mom. She is always there to listen and offer advice, which yes sometimes I don't want to hear but in the end is always something I need to hear.

2. My Best Friend- she has been there for years and is like the sister I never had! 

3.  My Boyfriend- This man melts my heart. He listens to me and is my shoulder to cry on. He doesn't judge he loves unconditionally. 

4. My Puppy Dogs!- nobody in the world loves like an animal! They are always so happy to see you! 

5.  Lip Gloss! specifically Bonne Bell Lip Smackers Lip Balm- I am in love with this lip balm. It reminds me of my childhood if I could get the Bubble Gum flavour I still would. However the Vanilla flavour always reminds me of many fond memories from my childhood!

6.  The smell of fresh laundry! Especially when you use Downy Unstoppables- These are amazing and honestly makes me love the smell of fresh laundry even more! 

7. Books! I hate e-readers, hand me a physical book any day! 

8. Coffee - I could not go a day without coffee.

9. Vanilla chai tea- this tea is phenomenal.

10. My iphone- I honestly could not live without my iphone. I use it for everything! Even writing my blog! It has everything in it!

What are some of your fave things?

30.....Who wants to turn 30?!?!?!?!?.......

Why when I think about turning 30 do I think of the movie 13 going on 30? It must be the fact that anyone let alone a 13 year old would want to be "30, flirty and thriving...." When in reality it seems like you are 30, old and wilted? I have been thinking a lot about turning 30 for the last little while because I have approx 16 months left of my 20's. I cried when I turned 20 because I was no longer a teenager!! 30 is a hurdle! 

I mean even now I sometimes feel like an adolescent trapped in an adult's body.  

30 is a scary number because I have started to think of what I haven't accomplished so far and how I have had 30 years to do so. I mean it is scary normally people have most things figured out by the age of 30 and here I am just sitting here stunned! 

Am I alone? 

Getting Closer to.......30......

So awhile back I wrote a post about the things I wanted to do before I turned 30....I am getting closer and closer to that no so magical number....so I thought I would revise the list....I am allowed right?
I also told you guys that I would keep you updated....so in case you forgot here is my original list:

1. Get a tattoo. - I have wanted this for a LONG time and I keep putting it off, so as they say "No time like the present!"

2. Travel outside of Canada - I have done this, but it was to a Nascar race. It was for work....so really it was not a purely fun trip. I want a fun trip out of Canada!

3. Volunteer on a regular basis. - I have volunteered for events before, but I want to actually sign up and volunteer my time on a regular basis to a association/organization that helps people on a daily basis.

4. Have concrete plans to go back to school. - I want to either do my BA in Psychology, or go back to college to become a Social Worker.

5. Throw a successful charity event. - Raise money for a worth while cause.

6. Find the right shade of Red lipstick! I have been searching forever for this shade and let me tell you I have failed. I want to find a shade of red lipstick that suits me!

7. Make $1000 in one year selling Avon. I have sold Avon for quite some time now and I haven't really made a profit. I have regular customers....but I need to build my business further....

8. Go to a spa....I have never gone, however I deserve to be pampered!

9. Find a good guy. I know that they say when you are looking you are less likely to find one, so I am giving up and letting nature take it's course! What will be will be! :)

10. Take a photography course! I love photography, I would like to learn how to do it better! So I think I would like to take a course to learn better techniques of photography!

So far I have accomplished 1 goal.

So here is my new revised list for the things I want to do before I turn 30!

1.  Get a tattoo. - Still trying to get this done! Top of my list for a reason! It will be done before I am 30! I swear!

2. Quit Smoking- I want to quit. Hoping this is sooner rather than later as I am currently on Champix.

3. Get on the road to being DEBT FREE.- This is a big one.

4. Have a savings account with a substantial amount in it.

5. Have a job that I love to go to everyday.

6. Have concrete plans to go back to school.

7. Have the surgery.

8. Travel outside Canada again- I have done this once but it was for a job, so it was not really a vacation.

9. Volunteer on a regular basis.

10. Take a photography course.

Not too shabby! Hopefully they shall be done, I do have exactly approx 16 more months before I turn 30.....so I should be able to cross some of these off my list! :) I would be happy with myself if I achieve 5 of these!

What are your goals? Are you in the same boat as me? Turning 30 and wanting to achieve a goal list? Let me know!